


Welcome To The Future, Sergeant Barnes

by eeyore9990



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bots in love, Crack, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-27
Updated: 2014-04-27
Packaged: 2018-01-21 00:12:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1530875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eeyore9990/pseuds/eeyore9990
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>DUM-E finds love in unlikely places.  </p><p>Or</p><p>No way in hell is Bucky going to be the one to explain to Steve how Stark let two robotic arms get all the way to handjobs on the first date.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Welcome To The Future, Sergeant Barnes

**Author's Note:**

> Since Tony built DUM-E when he was 17, and Bucky's arm is arguably several decades old by this point, both of them are over the age of consent.
> 
> Just in case you were worried.

Even after more than a month off probation (wherein “probation” meant being visibly under surveillance — Bucky isn’t fool enough to think Natasha and Clint don’t track his every movement and report them) and two months of frequent visits to Stark’s workshop so the man can take measurements and ‘Do Science!’, Bucky is still uncomfortable in this place of steel and glass. Pop up holograms make him… perhaps _nervous_ is the wrong word, but it will suffice. He’s not willing to access his fluent Russian for a better descriptor.

But being here brings to mind the Winter Soldier, and a smoothly spoken, “Wipe him.” It makes him remember waking up with no memories, only the mission. When he brushes against the tools of Stark’s trade, he flinches internally at their similarity to the weapons he had wielded in a previous life.

It sets him on edge.

So at first, he thinks it’s just his arm reacting to his subconscious unease when it whips out and wraps metallic fingers around the robot that Stark treats like a favored child. Cursing himself, he focuses on the fingers and envisions them uncurling.

For the first time in his active memory, though, they don’t obey. They remain wrapped around the main strut of the robot, which is letting out a series of sounds, clicks and beeps and whirs.

"Hey, Jon Snow," — Stark had to explain the reference to him, and continues to use the name regardless of Bucky’s ability to kill him in countless ways — "lay off DUM-E. He’s worth more money than even existed in 1940," Stark growls, shooting a dark, distrustful look at Bucky.

Bucky grits his teeth, swallowing down the threats he wants to make — too close to the killer he wants to wipe as easily as they wiped his memories — and says, “I’m not doing it.” 

And then he can only stare, utterly bemused, as the fingers of his metallic arm begin to dance lightly up and down the main strut of Stark's robot, finally venturing all the way up to the claws at the tip. The claws that begin do their own exploring.

The beeps and whirs get louder, the clicks come closer together, and the two arms are damn near rubbing over each other like cats now.

"Okay, seriously, what the hell?" Stark comes forward, brandishing a large wrench.

"Sirs," the polite, disembodied voice of Jarvis says, sounding vaguely…pained.

Bucky tries stepping back, finally knocked out of his bemused stupor enough to come up with alternate ways to extract himself from this situation. But Stark’s robot just _keens_ and keeps pace with him.

"Jarvis?!" Stark sounds slightly more concerned than Bucky is comfortable with.

"Sir, apparently…" A heavy sigh breathes through the speakers, and Bucky’s lips twitch because as much as Bucky hates almost everything about technology, he kind of loves Jarvis. "DUM-E has formed a romantic attachment with KJXv3.2. He is requesting privacy so that they might… Oh dear."

"KJXv3.2?" Bucky asks, feeling vaguely horrified and simultaneously embarrassed to be witnessing whatever the hell this is.

"That would be the designation given to your arm, Sergeant Barnes," Jarvis says.

"I figured. I just…didn’t know it was, uh. Sentient? Had a name? Could date?" 

He’s aware he sounds shell-shocked, but he’s even more so when Stark begins to cackle and starts disconnecting his arm. “Yes! That’s daddy’s boy!”

"Really, sir." Jarvis sounds deeply disapproving. "You shouldn’t encourage this nonsense."

"Fuck that, Jarvis! Order roses and get a case of the good oil. They might need it." Stark grabs a box of latex gloves off a bench and throws them at his robot. "Remember, DUM-E, no glove no love. Cover it up!"

Bucky is still off balance — physically and mentally — but he can’t help a soft snort of laughter. Stark jerks around at the sound, a look of surprised delight on his face. And perhaps this is the first time he’s heard Bucky laugh, so that’s fair. 

Staggering toward the door — it takes some adjustment to move fluidly when the weight of the arm isn’t there for counterbalance — he calls over his shoulder, “I’m not one for cock blocking, but _you’re_ going to explain to Steve how you gave your blessing for hand jobs on the first date.”

When he looks back, it’s to see Stark leaning against the wall, overcome with helpless laughter while his robot holds Bucky’s arm in a loving grip.

**Author's Note:**

> This idea was spawned by [this fanart by dimensionsinprobability](http://dimensionsinprobability.tumblr.com/post/83172865141/dum-e-tries-to-make-friends-with-the-new-robot) I saw on tumblr.


End file.
